Christian Couples at Masaka Pentecostal Church Re-authoring their Stories After Infidelity: Using Narrative Therapy Approach with the Focus on Re-building a Long-lasting Relationship.”

 

 

Samuel Waliggo Ssegawa

Course: Narrative Therapy and Community Works

University of Rwanda

School of Medicine and Mental Health  

Student ID: 2420004

Uganda

Reflection 2: Re-Authoring Conversations-Strengthening a Second Story Line

After watching the video "The Danger of a Single Story" by the Nigerian Storyteller and Writer, Chimamanda Ngozi ADICHIE[1], I reconnected back to my first reflection “Christian Couples at Masaka Pentecostal Church Re-authoring their Stories After Infidelity: Using Narrative Therapy Approach with the Focus on Re-building a Long-lasting Relationship.”

In the first reflection, I gave an account of a Christian couple that had experienced infidelity and was on the verge of divorce. In summary; I’ve been supporting them for three years, but to no avail. After our first block lessons at the University of Rwanda, I purposed and immediately had a session with them. I integrated the Narrative Therapy Approach into this post-marital follow-up counseling session. Mr. Moon, the Husband, and Mrs. Star his Wife, had renamed their distressing marital problem as the “Boulder-meaning a big stone” The name was reflection of how the couple felt the problem had affected their relationship, family goals and their reputation in the society. Moon and Star had started perceiving each other apart from the problem, stopped blame games, and began communicating with respect and dignity.

However, what Chimamanda describes as the dangers of a single storytelling, resonated with my experience as a marriage helper; where single storytelling made people vulnerable, traditionally focusing on the catastrophes and weaknesses rather than strength - making them guiltier. Insisting on only negative stories flattens people's experiences and overlooks many other stories that create them (Chimamanda). The single-story creating a stereotype-mentality is a common phenomenon in many divorce cases, yet they’re not only untrue but also incomplete. They make one's story become the only story and consequently rob people of dignity and capability. They emphasize how we are different, not how we are similar.

Stories dispossess persons or empower them; twist or improve narratives; depending on how they are told, who tells them, when they are told and the number of stories told. Stories can be used to break the dignity of the people, but stories can also be used to rebuild broken dignity.

Following this understanding; two weeks ago, I scheduled a follow-up session with the goal of supporting this couple to perceive their strengths over and above their negative story.  

Samuel: Apart from the challenges the “Boulder” has caused you for a long time, have you noted anything good in your spouse?

Moon: Yes, Pastor. My wife is hardworking and courageous. She ensures we always have food in the garden. She has that 6^th sense that predicts and interprets the future.

Star: My husband is innovative, visionary, and loving even when I hurt him; he's prayerful and God-loving. He's supportive and loves to see that our children get a good education..when we left here, I began to reflect on my life, and I realized that I had been putting unnecessary pressure and had a lot of personal expectations on my husband. My biggest problem is: that I had no father figure in my life. Dad died when I was three years old, I only saw my mother struggling to pay our school fees and make us survive. So, when I got married I expected my husband,..as a Man to do more than what my mother did. So, when our company lost business, I immediately expected him to fix it quickly, which didn’t happen resulting in us going through the hardest times of financial crisis. I concluded he was not Man enough. This opened the door to the Boulder, looked for somebody to provide me with everything I needed. I didn’t find it. Moon, I'm sorry for what happened between us, please forgive me. I love you.

Cries Moon hugs Star, and Says

Moon: I love you much more darling.

Despite infidelity being a highly traumatic experience, not all couples end their relationship after the discovery of the affair. This reflection provides insights into the experience of couples who remained together after having experienced infidelity by one partner and how re-authoring conversation serves as a tool for changing negative single-story experiences into strengthening a second storyline, bringing understanding to the source of the problem for genuine reconciliation. My observation is that Narrative Therapy approaches stimulate reconciliation, and forgiveness by helping the parties to manage challenges and change focus away from the negative memories to modifications that aim to rebuild meaningful relationships. When married couples are empowered to see them selves as people with dignity and to realize their positive contribution to the relationship but and not as the problem, re-authoring conversations can facilitate people to acknowledge the reasons for their existence, a sense of acceptance for maintaining their relationship, treasuring acts of kindness, making meaning, and social support[2]

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[1]  www.dulwichcentre.com.au/the-danger-of-the-single-story.html

[2] McParland, J., & Huckridge, J. (2024). The Rainbow of Life: A collective narrative practice with young LGBTQIA+ people with a health condition. International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work, (1)